The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
