Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
