Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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