I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
