Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
