one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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