Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
