my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize