Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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