first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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