Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
