I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
