I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize