Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize