He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
