I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
