saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
