she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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