My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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