no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
