If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
