So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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