The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
3pm strippers are depressing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize