Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
