I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We are all done wearing pants today
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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