dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
