I hate all girls vehemently.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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