I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
