I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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