There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
