Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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