I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
