i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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