90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize