I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize