Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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