That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
