Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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