what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
