that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
