I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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