Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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