I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
