My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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