girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
