Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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