I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
