dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
