Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
