We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
