My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
