I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
