Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
