Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
