Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
