there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
