Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
