I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
