Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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