I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
