woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize