I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
