i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
