I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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