i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
