I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize